The Year Mark!

So this month and next are going to be pretty emotional, and it has started today. A year ago, I found out that I had cancer. I thought that it was the end of the world. I thought "why me?" and "what is going to happen to me?" Never did I think that this would be the outcome. Not once did it occur to me that a year from then, would I be posting on my blog that I am a cancer survivor!!
When the doctor comes in and tells you, you have cancer, I must admit, it is the worst feeling in the world. I felt like all of my insides came out my butt. First reaction: shock. Second reaction: cry. When I called my mom, I couldn't even get the words out, when I did, the conversation turned straight to crying, and yelling, and so many mixed emotions that it can't even be explained.
Days later, I told my best friend, Charlotte. She cried, scared. Just like me. Who knew what would happen next.

The cancer that I had is rare, Immature Teratoma. It's rare, and an aggressive cancer. It moves fast, but is usually beaten by chemo.

A couple weeks later, July 14th to be exact, we went in to learn about the chemo. My first question
: "Will I lose my hair?" the answer was yes. It was like I was getting everything taken away. Women are so i guess you could call it vain. I would not only be going through hell, possibly going to die, I would also have to look sick and disgusting and no longer look like a girl or normal at all. When i got home, I shaved my head, cancer was already taking away everything from me, my job,my apartment, my life, not my hair. I would take away my hair.

I got my port in soon after that. I now have a scar and hard nipple looking thing sticking out of my chest.

Chemo was disgusting. What they do is stick a needle into my port and hook up medicine to me, I would sit there for 6 hours a day. The first day I was so nervous, not knowing the outcome and only seeing what my grandma went through. After we left the first session, on our way home, the car broke down. We were in he heat, and I couldn't stop throwing up. My stomach was hurting with excruciating pain from the heaving and vomiting. I tried everything, water, soda, milk. It all made it worse. When I got home and took anti nausea, it still wouldn't help. I was so exhausted, I felt like I had run a marathon. I could barely sleep, and the next morning, I had to do the same thing. They explained to me that they didn't give me my hydration, so that is why the vomiting was so bad.
I had chemo 5 days a week, 6 hours a day. My hair was kind of growing back when I started chemo. So when I started getting the chemo, it started falling out. Now, it's nothing like you would imagine. It would fall with the touch. My mom would pull it out, I couldn't even feel it. She would make designs in my head, it's the weirdest thing ever. Pretty soon I was completely bald.

I started stinking. Like the medicine was just seeping out of my pores, not eating was a regular thing. If I ate, then I would throw up. I was weak all the time, I didn't want to get up to do anything. Joshua took care of me. He quit his job, so I could be his full time job, which I was. I was miserable. None of my friends came around anymore. I didn't blame them, I looked so gross. I even told Joshua, because we hadn't even been married a year when I got cancer, that he could leave if he wanted to. He didn't. I don't know if I would have done the same.

Just writing this, I am crying. It is such bad memories.

But now look at me! My hair is growing back, I am working, and I am still happily married. I couldn't ask for more!! 

                                                     This was me before chemo!

      

                                                    All my cancer meds.

                                                That's my port! It's still there!

                                    That's the chemo being pumped through me!

                                  Annette, an amazing woman I met during chemo!

                                              Bald, going through chemo!

I'm feeling amazing now, and I know that I am strong enough to overcome anything! Bring on the future!!